It's time I cut myself some slack...

I find myself often hearing how lucky I am to be home all day with my kids, how it must be so wonderful and so easy.

I find myself trying to shoulder about 85-90% of everything that needs to be done in our house and with our kids because my husband works outside of the home.

I find myself feeling guilty if I want some personal time, or if I need a break for just a little while from being a mom.

Why?

Why do I do this to myself? And I don't mean being a stay-at-home-mom; I mean why do I beat myself up and stretch myself thin?

I'm a mom, cook, maid, laundress, dietary needs specialist, chauffeur, errand runner, bill payer, appointment scheduler, referee, nurse, human jungle gym, decibel labrat for Melanie, and the list goes on. Where, in all of that, do I schedule time for myself?

The truth is, I don't schedule me time. I feel guilty asking James to do things, or to take on the kids so I can have a little bit of time for myself. In my mind, he works 40 hours, plus does 20 hours of charting, every week. That's 60 hours of work. He deserves to sit down at the end of the day to a hot meal, a clean house, and happy kids.

The truth to that scenario: he comes home to a hot meal most nights, laundry all over the couch (that typically has to be rewashed when it's rained since our pooch drags mud all over the laundry), kids arguing, somebody is typically crying, a naked toddler (we are potty training, I should get a pass for this one!) running to him, dirty floors, and a stressed out wife. He comes home to tattling and being bombarded the moment he steps in the front door.

During the week, I'm up by 6:30. He gets the kids woken up while I get dressed. I get Mady to move her hiney out of her bed, get Adair to actually get dressed and do his chores, get both our coffees made, pull Melanie's clothing for the day, get her sippie cup and breakfast, break up any kid arguments that happen, and shuttle everybody out the door to get to school on time. I run errands, do the grocery shopping, work on laundry, do counseling appointments, take kids to doctor/dentist appointments, go to therapy appointments, and get Mady to dance. Somewhere in there, I squeeze in lunch for myself and Melanie. I still have dinner to make, laundry to put away, cleaning to do, rooms to pick up, etc. Most nights, I do not sit down until easily 9 pm. But that's fleetingly between loads of laundry, mopping, cleaning, etc. It's usually 10:30 before I go to bed, even though there are still things that need to be done. That's 16 hour days. I do that 6 days a week. I cut my husband slack for his 60 hours of cumulative work, when I'm putting in 96 hours a week.

As a stay-at-home-mom, why do I do this to myself? Why do I devalue what I do on a daily basis all because I do not work outside the home? Just today, between 3-5 pm, I had my oldest 2 cleaning their rooms, hanging up their laundry, putting up jeans/skirts/leggings/shorts, folding pajamas, cleaning up stray toys, and picking up all the shoes left in the living room. Granted, they were doing extra chores due to being grounded, but that's all things I typically do for them. While they did all this, I was cleaning up the dining room, kitchen, kids' bathroom, living room, changing out laundry, putting up our laundry, sweeping, and getting ready to be able to mop. All to make my home livable for my family.

As a woman, I need to give myself credit for how hard I work every day. I need to realize that I do NOT have to break my back trying to be the perfect mom and wife. James has never asked me to be perfect. He goes above and beyond to recognize everything I've done during the day. I demand perfection from myself, and beat myself up when I don't reach the standards I think I should.

It's time for me to start giving myself a break. It's time I stop demanding so much from myself. I cannot expect perfection from myself. I work over double when you don't factor in James' charting time. I deserve to allow myself a break.