I find myself often hearing how lucky I am to be home all day with my kids, how it must be so wonderful and so easy.
I find myself trying to shoulder about 85-90% of everything that needs to be done in our house and with our kids because my husband works outside of the home.
I find myself feeling guilty if I want some personal time, or if I need a break for just a little while from being a mom.
Why?
Why do I do this to myself? And I don't mean being a stay-at-home-mom; I mean why do I beat myself up and stretch myself thin?
I'm a mom, cook, maid, laundress, dietary needs specialist, chauffeur, errand runner, bill payer, appointment scheduler, referee, nurse, human jungle gym, decibel labrat for Melanie, and the list goes on. Where, in all of that, do I schedule time for myself?
The truth is, I don't schedule me time. I feel guilty asking James to do things, or to take on the kids so I can have a little bit of time for myself. In my mind, he works 40 hours, plus does 20 hours of charting, every week. That's 60 hours of work. He deserves to sit down at the end of the day to a hot meal, a clean house, and happy kids.
The truth to that scenario: he comes home to a hot meal most nights, laundry all over the couch (that typically has to be rewashed when it's rained since our pooch drags mud all over the laundry), kids arguing, somebody is typically crying, a naked toddler (we are potty training, I should get a pass for this one!) running to him, dirty floors, and a stressed out wife. He comes home to tattling and being bombarded the moment he steps in the front door.
During the week, I'm up by 6:30. He gets the kids woken up while I get dressed. I get Mady to move her hiney out of her bed, get Adair to actually get dressed and do his chores, get both our coffees made, pull Melanie's clothing for the day, get her sippie cup and breakfast, break up any kid arguments that happen, and shuttle everybody out the door to get to school on time. I run errands, do the grocery shopping, work on laundry, do counseling appointments, take kids to doctor/dentist appointments, go to therapy appointments, and get Mady to dance. Somewhere in there, I squeeze in lunch for myself and Melanie. I still have dinner to make, laundry to put away, cleaning to do, rooms to pick up, etc. Most nights, I do not sit down until easily 9 pm. But that's fleetingly between loads of laundry, mopping, cleaning, etc. It's usually 10:30 before I go to bed, even though there are still things that need to be done. That's 16 hour days. I do that 6 days a week. I cut my husband slack for his 60 hours of cumulative work, when I'm putting in 96 hours a week.
As a stay-at-home-mom, why do I do this to myself? Why do I devalue what I do on a daily basis all because I do not work outside the home? Just today, between 3-5 pm, I had my oldest 2 cleaning their rooms, hanging up their laundry, putting up jeans/skirts/leggings/shorts, folding pajamas, cleaning up stray toys, and picking up all the shoes left in the living room. Granted, they were doing extra chores due to being grounded, but that's all things I typically do for them. While they did all this, I was cleaning up the dining room, kitchen, kids' bathroom, living room, changing out laundry, putting up our laundry, sweeping, and getting ready to be able to mop. All to make my home livable for my family.
As a woman, I need to give myself credit for how hard I work every day. I need to realize that I do NOT have to break my back trying to be the perfect mom and wife. James has never asked me to be perfect. He goes above and beyond to recognize everything I've done during the day. I demand perfection from myself, and beat myself up when I don't reach the standards I think I should.
It's time for me to start giving myself a break. It's time I stop demanding so much from myself. I cannot expect perfection from myself. I work over double when you don't factor in James' charting time. I deserve to allow myself a break.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
How do I do it?
Last night at bowling, I got asked by a teammate and her mom how I do it. How I can manage a child with very specific needs outside of what typical kids need, plus Melanie's needs. I was then asked what problems Mady has.
Where do I start?
How do I manage a child with specific needs? One day at a time. Each day is a fresh start. Will it always be sunshine and daisies? Oh heavens no. So many days are a struggle once his medicine wears off. Like, go outside and cry when I hit my wall. But, there are so many incredible moments that I get to share. So many triumphs he makes. Things that parents of a typical child would not see as being a big deal. He's trying new foods since he's been in Food Therapy. And not just new foods, but mixed foods. That's HUGE. He's so generous with his sisters when he's in a good mood. He's beyond creative, and can be so engaging. He loves his daddy and looks at him with so much awe. So how do I manage it? With love, and the mindset that each day is a fresh start.
How do I manage Melanie's needs? Because, quite frankly, I have no other choice. If your child was diabetic and needed insulin, you wouldn't give her sugar unless it was crucial. I read every label on every item we purchase. Not because I want to, but because she relies on me to do that for her.
The question about Mady caught me off guard. Yes, she's ADHD. However, as long as she's not had a ton of processed foods, her ADHD is naturally managed. It's amazing what full on homecooking and lots of fruits and veggies does for managing hyperactivity!
So how do I do it? Because I'm their mother. Because I have no other choice. Because they 100% deserve the best I can give them. Because I 1000% love my children beyond a shadow of a doubt. That's how.
Where do I start?
How do I manage a child with specific needs? One day at a time. Each day is a fresh start. Will it always be sunshine and daisies? Oh heavens no. So many days are a struggle once his medicine wears off. Like, go outside and cry when I hit my wall. But, there are so many incredible moments that I get to share. So many triumphs he makes. Things that parents of a typical child would not see as being a big deal. He's trying new foods since he's been in Food Therapy. And not just new foods, but mixed foods. That's HUGE. He's so generous with his sisters when he's in a good mood. He's beyond creative, and can be so engaging. He loves his daddy and looks at him with so much awe. So how do I manage it? With love, and the mindset that each day is a fresh start.
How do I manage Melanie's needs? Because, quite frankly, I have no other choice. If your child was diabetic and needed insulin, you wouldn't give her sugar unless it was crucial. I read every label on every item we purchase. Not because I want to, but because she relies on me to do that for her.
The question about Mady caught me off guard. Yes, she's ADHD. However, as long as she's not had a ton of processed foods, her ADHD is naturally managed. It's amazing what full on homecooking and lots of fruits and veggies does for managing hyperactivity!
So how do I do it? Because I'm their mother. Because I have no other choice. Because they 100% deserve the best I can give them. Because I 1000% love my children beyond a shadow of a doubt. That's how.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Food Restriction Cooking
So, if Melanie cannot eat dairy, what do our meals look like?
Pastas
- noodles
-seasoning (we love using garlic salt!)
- olive oil
- meat
Meatloaf (always popular in our house!)
- ground beef
- breadcrumbs
- ketchup
- eggs
- seasonings
We do lots of beans, veggies, and fruits.
We just did a stir fry the other night that was a major hit!
Pork Stir Fry
- pork chop, cut up
- rice noodles
- peanuts
- green beans
- diced carrots
- soy sauce
- 1/4 tsp Madras curry (the only spice I actually measure out! lol)
- some garlic
That's all! Adair typically does not eat mixed foods. It's like pulling teeth. And then you put something in front of him that's new? Yeah, that's typically a no-go. We got him to try this meal though!
Breakfasts:
Melanie LOVES egg cups. I mean, LOVES. I make a dozen at a time, and she will go through all of those in a week. I also make her muffins with her almond milk, and she's a huge fan of pancakes and waffles. We have noticed that she can tolerate some baked goods with milk in them, but they have to be in serious moderation.
The thing I love the most about the cooking changes is the way my kids eat. Adair's favorite after school snack is raw carrots. Mady has always been my fruit kiddo. She will go through a pint of berries (any type) in one sitting if I let her. Melanie constantly wants things like green beans or raw broccoli. It's incredible to me to see my kids going for such healthy choices.
The munchkins do still love cheese. I'm so grateful that we have been able to find vegan cheese for her. It stinks in my opinion, but it's dairy free, soy free, casein free (which is what she's allergic to), and lactose free. It allows us a little freedom for cooking, plus being able to do sandwiches for her.
I'm working on writing down the recipes I cook. Most of them are "Oh hey, this needs to be used before this veggie goes bad. Wonder how I can use it? Oh, this sounds like it might work!" Seriously, that is my daily thought process now with cooking! And somehow, it seems to pull together really well at the end of cooking!
Pastas
- noodles
-seasoning (we love using garlic salt!)
- olive oil
- meat
Meatloaf (always popular in our house!)
- ground beef
- breadcrumbs
- ketchup
- eggs
- seasonings
We do lots of beans, veggies, and fruits.
We just did a stir fry the other night that was a major hit!
Pork Stir Fry
- pork chop, cut up
- rice noodles
- peanuts
- green beans
- diced carrots
- soy sauce
- 1/4 tsp Madras curry (the only spice I actually measure out! lol)
- some garlic
That's all! Adair typically does not eat mixed foods. It's like pulling teeth. And then you put something in front of him that's new? Yeah, that's typically a no-go. We got him to try this meal though!
Breakfasts:
Melanie LOVES egg cups. I mean, LOVES. I make a dozen at a time, and she will go through all of those in a week. I also make her muffins with her almond milk, and she's a huge fan of pancakes and waffles. We have noticed that she can tolerate some baked goods with milk in them, but they have to be in serious moderation.
The thing I love the most about the cooking changes is the way my kids eat. Adair's favorite after school snack is raw carrots. Mady has always been my fruit kiddo. She will go through a pint of berries (any type) in one sitting if I let her. Melanie constantly wants things like green beans or raw broccoli. It's incredible to me to see my kids going for such healthy choices.
The munchkins do still love cheese. I'm so grateful that we have been able to find vegan cheese for her. It stinks in my opinion, but it's dairy free, soy free, casein free (which is what she's allergic to), and lactose free. It allows us a little freedom for cooking, plus being able to do sandwiches for her.
I'm working on writing down the recipes I cook. Most of them are "Oh hey, this needs to be used before this veggie goes bad. Wonder how I can use it? Oh, this sounds like it might work!" Seriously, that is my daily thought process now with cooking! And somehow, it seems to pull together really well at the end of cooking!
I'm a dance mom!
Okay, if you know Mady, you see my crazy tomboy. She loves to play baseball, soccer, and be out in the country.
We decided in December that we were going to look into putting her in dance. Why not? She loves to be center of attention. I was not sure how she would react to it. She got bored in gymnastics since it was so much "sit around and wait for your turn". She's shocked me though. She LOVES to dance. She practically begs me nightly to take her to dance.
Well kiddo, buckle up. You've now got dance nightly! Her first recital/show is coming up, so we are in the busiest dance week a dance mom has. Hair and make-up nightly to get her 100% used to it. And if you haven't seen her lately, her hair is not super long. It's growing, but we currently use, I don't know, about 7-8 butterfly type clips, plus around 1-1.5 dozen bobby pins. And that's just to keep the short layers up! Remind me not to take her through a metal detector with her hair up like this.
Oh, and the make-up...bright blue eyes and super dark lashes. I don't do super dark make-up. Soft pink and medium brown eyeshadow, eyebrows filled in (thanks blonde hair!), black kohl liner, black mascara (lucky girl only needs 1 coat to get long lashes!), a little soft pink blush, and pink lips. She could knock you out with how beautiful she already is, and all of her stage make-up makes her pop so much more (but then again, I'm highly biased!). However, the eyeliner...I'm pretty sure I'd rather bathe our cat than tackle getting eyeliner on this child. You would seriously think I'm trying to stab her eye out with how she howls! Oh this crazy little nut.
James keeps telling me I much love being a dance mom. What I love is seeing my oldest daughter finding her niche, finding a hobby that she excels at, and that gets her excessive ADHD energy out. In just 4-5 months, she has learned so much. She knows what first position is, and very happily gets into it. We are working on her smiling while she dances, but she's at least up there and enjoying every moment!
We decided in December that we were going to look into putting her in dance. Why not? She loves to be center of attention. I was not sure how she would react to it. She got bored in gymnastics since it was so much "sit around and wait for your turn". She's shocked me though. She LOVES to dance. She practically begs me nightly to take her to dance.
Well kiddo, buckle up. You've now got dance nightly! Her first recital/show is coming up, so we are in the busiest dance week a dance mom has. Hair and make-up nightly to get her 100% used to it. And if you haven't seen her lately, her hair is not super long. It's growing, but we currently use, I don't know, about 7-8 butterfly type clips, plus around 1-1.5 dozen bobby pins. And that's just to keep the short layers up! Remind me not to take her through a metal detector with her hair up like this.
Oh, and the make-up...bright blue eyes and super dark lashes. I don't do super dark make-up. Soft pink and medium brown eyeshadow, eyebrows filled in (thanks blonde hair!), black kohl liner, black mascara (lucky girl only needs 1 coat to get long lashes!), a little soft pink blush, and pink lips. She could knock you out with how beautiful she already is, and all of her stage make-up makes her pop so much more (but then again, I'm highly biased!). However, the eyeliner...I'm pretty sure I'd rather bathe our cat than tackle getting eyeliner on this child. You would seriously think I'm trying to stab her eye out with how she howls! Oh this crazy little nut.
James keeps telling me I much love being a dance mom. What I love is seeing my oldest daughter finding her niche, finding a hobby that she excels at, and that gets her excessive ADHD energy out. In just 4-5 months, she has learned so much. She knows what first position is, and very happily gets into it. We are working on her smiling while she dances, but she's at least up there and enjoying every moment!
Funny where life takes you...
When I started this blog, it was to vent and share our life. Then it shifted to a cooking blog, a setting for me to share the recipes I was creating. Looking back at the things I used to cook, it astounds me at how far our life has come from that point.
Most people know this, but if you don't, I'm throwing it out there now: our youngest has a severe dairy intolerance. She also has a milder soy intolerance, which honestly frees us up a bit since she can do soy in moderation. Just how bad is her dairy intolerance? One Cheeto. James gave her just one Cheeto since he felt bad that she wanted one, and he's just not very good at denying her. Lol. She is definitely Daddy's Little Girl. So, what's the big deal about one little Cheeto? It seems innocuous enough, right? Wrong. One Cheeto caused her 72 hours of severe constipation and discomfort. The only way to eliminate this was to give my miserable little girl a suppository. To be quite frank, if you've never had to experience doing this with a miserable, squirmy toddler, I do not recommend it.
As I reread my past blogs, I realized how far my cooking has come in the past almost 6 months (we discovered Melanie's intolerance at 13 months old). We have eliminated cooking with cheese. I don't use milk in most my cooking; if I have to, I make a separate batch of whatever it is for Melanie. Cooking separate batches of food is highly time consuming, so it's become simpler to eliminate the dairy. We don't do most pasta sauces unless I make them from scratch. We now read every label on items we plan to buy. I cannot even risk purchasing things she *MIGHT* consume if they were cooked/packaged in a plant that handles milk. Cross contamination is a very real thing. What else is gone from our house?
- Ranch dressing (gasp!)
- mashed potatoes
- macaroni and cheese
- pizza
All things I love, all things I dearly miss. However, I have not eaten a meal without having to share it in about, oh, 5 years. So it's not worth the risk.
I'm that mom at restaurants. I have actually asked managers to show me ingredient lists in specific foods (like batters on chicken or shrimp) before I will order them for her, just to make sure she does not get anything in her system that will hurt her. I stop people from feeding her if they have food with dairy on their plate. I am so hypervigilant on what she consumes because I have to be.
Not only that, but she's allergic to blue food dye. That's fun!
If you saw her, though, you'd never guess she's got a serious food allergy. This child is such a little chunk! As long as she's not had foods on the "no way Jose" list, she is such a happy little ball of sassy energy!
Did I mention sass? This girl is my biggest personality. She is my sassy diva. She will not walk across grass barefoot. She does not like sandals that go between her toes. She HATES jeans. She prefers to be running around in a dress or a skirt. She has an obsession with giving me attitude. But, she exudes empathy at a young age. If I am having a rough day, she is the first one crawling up into my lap, giving me her sweet, wide-eyed concerned look, begging me to tickle her, and kissing all over me. I seriously have no words to describe all the sides of this girl. She has Mommy's sass, vibrancy, and energy, plus Daddy's sense of humor and his German stoicism when she's mad. The pout kills me!
When we got the dairy intolerance diagnosis, I had no clue where to go or what to do with it. I had no clue how to cook for her. In just 6 months, I have learned so much. Our diets have cleaned up immensely. It's crazy how much I've grown just from needing to change things for her health.
Most people know this, but if you don't, I'm throwing it out there now: our youngest has a severe dairy intolerance. She also has a milder soy intolerance, which honestly frees us up a bit since she can do soy in moderation. Just how bad is her dairy intolerance? One Cheeto. James gave her just one Cheeto since he felt bad that she wanted one, and he's just not very good at denying her. Lol. She is definitely Daddy's Little Girl. So, what's the big deal about one little Cheeto? It seems innocuous enough, right? Wrong. One Cheeto caused her 72 hours of severe constipation and discomfort. The only way to eliminate this was to give my miserable little girl a suppository. To be quite frank, if you've never had to experience doing this with a miserable, squirmy toddler, I do not recommend it.
As I reread my past blogs, I realized how far my cooking has come in the past almost 6 months (we discovered Melanie's intolerance at 13 months old). We have eliminated cooking with cheese. I don't use milk in most my cooking; if I have to, I make a separate batch of whatever it is for Melanie. Cooking separate batches of food is highly time consuming, so it's become simpler to eliminate the dairy. We don't do most pasta sauces unless I make them from scratch. We now read every label on items we plan to buy. I cannot even risk purchasing things she *MIGHT* consume if they were cooked/packaged in a plant that handles milk. Cross contamination is a very real thing. What else is gone from our house?
- Ranch dressing (gasp!)
- mashed potatoes
- macaroni and cheese
- pizza
All things I love, all things I dearly miss. However, I have not eaten a meal without having to share it in about, oh, 5 years. So it's not worth the risk.
I'm that mom at restaurants. I have actually asked managers to show me ingredient lists in specific foods (like batters on chicken or shrimp) before I will order them for her, just to make sure she does not get anything in her system that will hurt her. I stop people from feeding her if they have food with dairy on their plate. I am so hypervigilant on what she consumes because I have to be.
Not only that, but she's allergic to blue food dye. That's fun!
If you saw her, though, you'd never guess she's got a serious food allergy. This child is such a little chunk! As long as she's not had foods on the "no way Jose" list, she is such a happy little ball of sassy energy!
Did I mention sass? This girl is my biggest personality. She is my sassy diva. She will not walk across grass barefoot. She does not like sandals that go between her toes. She HATES jeans. She prefers to be running around in a dress or a skirt. She has an obsession with giving me attitude. But, she exudes empathy at a young age. If I am having a rough day, she is the first one crawling up into my lap, giving me her sweet, wide-eyed concerned look, begging me to tickle her, and kissing all over me. I seriously have no words to describe all the sides of this girl. She has Mommy's sass, vibrancy, and energy, plus Daddy's sense of humor and his German stoicism when she's mad. The pout kills me!
When we got the dairy intolerance diagnosis, I had no clue where to go or what to do with it. I had no clue how to cook for her. In just 6 months, I have learned so much. Our diets have cleaned up immensely. It's crazy how much I've grown just from needing to change things for her health.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Bacon wrapped cilantro cheese stuffed chicken
Okay, Mady was in a weird mood and didn't want to eat anything but the cilantro corn I made for the side-dish (apparently she thought dinner needed macaroni), but Adair devoured this! And I was so full after only half a medium sized chicken breast!
Ingredients:
Chicken breast
Cheese, finely shredded (I went with Colby Jack and Mozzarella)
Cilantro, fresh if possible
Paprika
Garlic Salt
Bacon, at least 2 strips per medium breast
The seasonings can be interchangeable with whatever suits your taste buds.
Preheat your oven to 400. Make a slit in your chicken breast, going about halfway into the breast, and leaving a half inch of uncut chicken on each side of the slit. Mix your shredded cheese, spices, and cilantro. I tossed mine by hand. Stuff your cheese mixture into the chicken breast. Wrap each breast with bacon strips, with the ends under the chicken if possible. Bake for 40 minutes. The best results are from baking on a roasting pan, so all the juices and bacon fat will drip down and not cause the bacon to remain soft and not crisp up.
The smell was incredible while they were baking. I put a side of cilantro corn (corn cooked with fresh cilantro, garlic salt, and white pepper) to go with it. This meal seriously filled us all up. And it's hard for me to eat until the point of being stuffed!
Ingredients:
Chicken breast
Cheese, finely shredded (I went with Colby Jack and Mozzarella)
Cilantro, fresh if possible
Paprika
Garlic Salt
Bacon, at least 2 strips per medium breast
The seasonings can be interchangeable with whatever suits your taste buds.
Preheat your oven to 400. Make a slit in your chicken breast, going about halfway into the breast, and leaving a half inch of uncut chicken on each side of the slit. Mix your shredded cheese, spices, and cilantro. I tossed mine by hand. Stuff your cheese mixture into the chicken breast. Wrap each breast with bacon strips, with the ends under the chicken if possible. Bake for 40 minutes. The best results are from baking on a roasting pan, so all the juices and bacon fat will drip down and not cause the bacon to remain soft and not crisp up.
The smell was incredible while they were baking. I put a side of cilantro corn (corn cooked with fresh cilantro, garlic salt, and white pepper) to go with it. This meal seriously filled us all up. And it's hard for me to eat until the point of being stuffed!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Spicy Garlic Lime Chicken and Rice
This recipe definitely needed a bit more heat for my liking, so next time I'll add in red pepper flakes. I didn't take into account that the citrus would greatly sweeten everything!
Ingredients:
Chicken breast (I used 3)
1-2 limes
Garlic Salt
Paprika or Red Pepper Flakes
Creole seasoning
Cilantro
Preheat your oven to 375. Put your chicken breasts on a pan lined with foil. Season to your desire with garlic salt, paprika/red pepper flakes, and Creole seasoning, doing a little more heat than normal due to the citrus.
Zest your lime entirely. Set the zest aside. Slice the lime and arrange 3-4 slices per breast, depending on the size of your chicken. Bake the chicken for 40 minutes.
Rice:
I used minute rice. Cook your rice according to the directions. Once the rice is set, add the lime zest, cilantro, garlic salt, and a dash of red pepper flakes for just a touch of heat. Be careful not to do too much pepper so it doesn't overpower the entire dish.
Serve up and enjoy! This dish lends itself easily to playing with different spices since citrus marries well with so much.
Ingredients:
Chicken breast (I used 3)
1-2 limes
Garlic Salt
Paprika or Red Pepper Flakes
Creole seasoning
Cilantro
Preheat your oven to 375. Put your chicken breasts on a pan lined with foil. Season to your desire with garlic salt, paprika/red pepper flakes, and Creole seasoning, doing a little more heat than normal due to the citrus.
Zest your lime entirely. Set the zest aside. Slice the lime and arrange 3-4 slices per breast, depending on the size of your chicken. Bake the chicken for 40 minutes.
Rice:
I used minute rice. Cook your rice according to the directions. Once the rice is set, add the lime zest, cilantro, garlic salt, and a dash of red pepper flakes for just a touch of heat. Be careful not to do too much pepper so it doesn't overpower the entire dish.
Serve up and enjoy! This dish lends itself easily to playing with different spices since citrus marries well with so much.
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